Just Keep Swimming

I started my first day of my first 29th birthday by rushing to church. Church always makes me feel better no matter what's going on. It starts my week off right. I want my kids to eventually feel the same way I do. Monkey is pretty much there since she NEVER wears shoes in the building and wanders off away from me (which is extremely unusual). I am so glad that I did. Brother Jon gave me some insight in his sermon. I have been having some personal issues that I struggle with EVERYDAY! I tell Ross "I just give up". He just stares at me and tells me I'm not a quitter. UGH GAH HUSBAND STOP BEING SO SUPPORTIVE!(gotta love that man) Brother Jon said that you have to put in the work too. His example was a farmer and his crop of corn. The farmer spent all year working his straight rows of corn. A neighbor came by and said how great of work God did. The farmer replied "You should have seen it when he had it by himself". This is so true of what I have going on. I pray and pray for help but HELLO I have to put in as much work as he does on my problems. He can only do so much. I'm pretty sure he is not going to come down and hold my hand. I can pray for guidance, but I have to do what I feel is best for me and my family. There will be days that I want to give up because I can't do it. Does God give up? Um NO! I have to put in my part. It is not going to be easy and not going to change tomorrow or even this year (OH BUT I CAN HOPE). Gah I so needed that yesterday. *side note* for some reason I pay attention more when my kids are in church instead of children's church. I think it's because I have to make an effort to pay attention. I'm excited about my First 29th year. It's starting off great...the whole 24 hours of it!

Who Would Want Six Monkeys?

I had a very rough night last night. My emotions were brought on by someone being selfish and hurting one of my babies, which in turn hurts me, then I'm all in a funk and slide deeper and deeper until something rescues me. I should have told Ross to not to leave my side or asked for my families help. I'm a little stubborn sometimes. I had an absolute meltdown when I felt I couldn't control my children. I felt like the worst mom and I started to doubt my future career choice.
My mom started my day off today with this "At least you don't have six monkeys". Why yes mom I am glad I don't. She told me this couple is hiding from the law because the law is cracking down on having wild animals, and they have six monkeys. First off how can they hide or run with six monkeys. Now I don't have any but I'm sure they are harder to keep quiet or clean my two kids. (At the grocery store...excuse me sit your baby has a tail). My sick mom and I laughed about how you can put monkeys in cages and putting children in cages is frowned upon....unless the volunteer....right?
Along with some talking done in my class today, I have concluded that I am not a horrible mom if I give up on my children every now and then. I sometimes need for my husband to take over and have mommy time. I make sure my kids do not have candy or fried foods and have extra curricular activities. I read to them and hold them. I kiss them and hug them. I explain to them that we can not win all the time or that we can not change selfish,unkind people.
I am a student and a wife and a mother. I'm not perfect but try with all my heart. I love my husband, kids, and my friends.
I have two bright, beautiful children and not monkeys. I am shaping the future not training them. I have to be patient. They are not going to get in their cages when mommy can't take it anymore (have you had two munchkins high on cold meds just so they can breathe and be so excited they can play they can't stop?) I will ask for help. I will remember my dads temper. I will not let it get the best of me. Anxiety does NOT who its dealing with!!!

Lily Won the Nobel Peace Prize!

or something like it.
When you find out you are pregnant, there are nonstop thoughts of what your child is going to be like.Who's personality are they going to have? Will they learn the life lesson's you want them to learn? You want them to be the best they can be. I have had my worry moments with Lily. She was so timid. I couldn't see much of me in her but bits and pieces. She is my "sweet" child. Everyone who meets her that is not around her more than a couple of hours says "sweet angel". (YEAH OK) Then something happened. I dropped her and the Diva off at daycare, and the teacher IMMEDIATELY (like there was a fire or something) moved the Diva to another bench. The teacher said "We can't put them together anymore". Naturally I look at Diva because she is my outgoing one. The teacher quickly said "No it's Lily. She aggrevates the snot out of Brexli continuously". I didn't hear much of what she said after that. I tried to keep my concerned face on. I was beaming inside! I called my mom immediately when I got in my car. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER!!! I guess I can stop spending all those hours worrying if she will be a strong woman. She does have fight in her!! I have never been so proud of my child! It's sick I know. Don't worry she was scolded, but come on. She is just showing her true color to the world. Thank God!!
Moral of this story....don't worry. Be happy.

A Hunting We Will Go

I had this REALLY long post about when Ross and I went hunting this year. It was way too long for me to even think about reading/posting. It annoyed me so I deleted it. HOWEVER, it was funny enough that I have to talk about it.
It was like an episode of Bill Engvall or Jeff Foxworthy when they talk about taking their wives hunting.
Ross started out getting us "lost". He said that he wasn't, but when you stop walking and look around for ten minutes...that's lost to me.
Then I made a comment about us not wearing our orange vests. (I know my hunting safety) He made a nice little comment about him not knowing any deer that carried a bright flowered lunch bag. You know what Ross? Only because they are never given the opportunity I'm sure. AND he is the one that told me to pack "plenty of snacks" like I was a fat kid.
I'm telling one on him. He opened the door to the box stand after asking me to hold his gun. He gets the flashlight and looks all inside, up and down, side to side. Me: "What are you doing?" Ross: "Looking for bugs". REALLY??!! I'm pretty sure you are bigger than them.
I did pretty good most of the time. MOST of the time. I got bored. It was raining. And cold.
Me: "When do they come out?" Ross: "I don't know. I didn't get an email" ONE WORD and it begins with Jack.
Another one on him. Me : "I think it's raining" Ross: "It's not suppose to rain. That's acorns falling from the trees." Me: "Um no that is rain. See" Ross (looks at his phone): "The weather channel said it's not raining. see" HELLO there is liquid falling from the sky. Screw the weather channel.
After a long, tiring morning of watching squirrels chase each other we head back to the truck. In the daylight I see that the road we cam in on is only about 100yds away. Me: "Why didn't we come in straight in.  We wandered all around" Ross: " I didn't want anyone to see where we were going". UM Ross. I'm pretty sure they could guess what we were doing walking with camo on and a truck parked in the trees. If they think something else is going on in that truck they are sick and it's too early for all that.
Moral of the story....Don't take your wife hunting unless she is allowed to have her own gun.

Enter at Your Own Risk

I am a bad mother and let Lily sleep with me until recently, when Ross and I got married. I am starting to think that he might want to trade places with her or vice versa. I now know why people sleep in seperate rooms.
The first week or so, when I was dozing because I thought I might miss Lily crying for me in the night (little did I know you can't miss someone in your face...sneaky troll). I must have been enough asleep to forget that I was married. I felt someone move  beside me and had a panic attack. Why was someone in bed with me bigger than Lily? Who is this man? OOOPPPSS
About a month ago, I was sleeping oh so soundly when my elbow found a nice resting place. What is a pillow doing up this far? Hhhmm is this Lily? So to figure out these answers, I bang my elbow on this strange surface over and over until...oooppss sorry husband. I didn't kow your FACE was there.
Then a few nights ago. I was having a benadryl sleep (thanks to the Christmas tree) and something awoke me. ANOTHER STRANGE MAN. Why did this strange man roll toward me? Why is the lamp so far away? How bad will I have to thrust it against his head to hurt him? oooohhh waaaiiittt. That's Ross again.
I think it is Ross' best interest to move onto the couch or recliner or other random soft surface. It can't be anymore uncomfortable than an antique lamp against your face.

Such is Life

I am really trying to be upbeat and positive. I really love life. I just don't feel happy. I have a great family and super friends. I'm just not happy. People (my husband) "Just be happy." NO SHIT! Really?? OMG why didn't I think of that? GAH! Excuse me sir. You do NOT know how it feels. I laugh from day to day, but it feels like I'm being fake. (I'm not, things are really funny) but it hurts my heart to laugh. It has been better after a HUGE rough spot. Things were NOT good for awhile. I am back to being where I need to be to progress further. I really hope I don't bring people down with my sadness. In fact, just ignore me. Thanks!

chuckle!

Ross is out of town this week. This is the first time we have been away from each other as a married couple. It's pretty much making more sad than I already am. I need him here to bounce off ideas and problems. He is my rock, best friend, and partner. **AACCKK**(I just threw up listening to myself). I LOVE IT!!! The one big problem with him gone is that it leaves me to my thoughts...alone. No one to tell me to stop thinking and shut up. Also, no one to settle me down. This was a huge problem last night. I am thinking he might not leave me alone after last night's conversation.
He called after he was in his hotel room just to talk.

Me: Do you have a skill saw?
Ross: What?! Wait! Why is it so quite? Where are the kids?
Me: They are in the bathroom.
Ross: Well yeah, but why can't I hear them.
Me: I closed the door. They were getting on my nerves.
Ross: I'm pretty sure that boders on child abuse. What if one drowns?
Me: Then the other better learn CPR real quick or scream REALLY loud b/c I'm also humming to myself and I'm loud.
Ross: Go open the door.
Me: If you insist, but I think swimming in the tub is a necessary survival technique that our children must learn to survive.
Ross: Is the door open yet?
Me: Do you have a skill saw?
Ross: Do you need one to open the door?
Me: No it's opened, but I need one. I have serveral projects that I need a saw for. Our house is going to look GORGEOUS.
Ross: Can you wait until I get home to use a saw?
Me: uumm....NO. Thanks for telling me we have one. I have to go now. I hope our landlord doesn't mind me using it inside. It's too dark out now. I love you. Bye.
Ross: (well I don't know what he said. I cut him off. I don't need negativity or a voice of reason in my life. Thanks Ross)