Such is Life

I am really trying to be upbeat and positive. I really love life. I just don't feel happy. I have a great family and super friends. I'm just not happy. People (my husband) "Just be happy." NO SHIT! Really?? OMG why didn't I think of that? GAH! Excuse me sir. You do NOT know how it feels. I laugh from day to day, but it feels like I'm being fake. (I'm not, things are really funny) but it hurts my heart to laugh. It has been better after a HUGE rough spot. Things were NOT good for awhile. I am back to being where I need to be to progress further. I really hope I don't bring people down with my sadness. In fact, just ignore me. Thanks!

chuckle!

Ross is out of town this week. This is the first time we have been away from each other as a married couple. It's pretty much making more sad than I already am. I need him here to bounce off ideas and problems. He is my rock, best friend, and partner. **AACCKK**(I just threw up listening to myself). I LOVE IT!!! The one big problem with him gone is that it leaves me to my thoughts...alone. No one to tell me to stop thinking and shut up. Also, no one to settle me down. This was a huge problem last night. I am thinking he might not leave me alone after last night's conversation.
He called after he was in his hotel room just to talk.

Me: Do you have a skill saw?
Ross: What?! Wait! Why is it so quite? Where are the kids?
Me: They are in the bathroom.
Ross: Well yeah, but why can't I hear them.
Me: I closed the door. They were getting on my nerves.
Ross: I'm pretty sure that boders on child abuse. What if one drowns?
Me: Then the other better learn CPR real quick or scream REALLY loud b/c I'm also humming to myself and I'm loud.
Ross: Go open the door.
Me: If you insist, but I think swimming in the tub is a necessary survival technique that our children must learn to survive.
Ross: Is the door open yet?
Me: Do you have a skill saw?
Ross: Do you need one to open the door?
Me: No it's opened, but I need one. I have serveral projects that I need a saw for. Our house is going to look GORGEOUS.
Ross: Can you wait until I get home to use a saw?
Me: uumm....NO. Thanks for telling me we have one. I have to go now. I hope our landlord doesn't mind me using it inside. It's too dark out now. I love you. Bye.
Ross: (well I don't know what he said. I cut him off. I don't need negativity or a voice of reason in my life. Thanks Ross)

Funk Funk Funk it up!

I am in this funk. I don't know what it is. Maybe it the excessive weight gain that I can't get under control. Maybe it's the school work piling up and never getting caught up. Maybe it's the other changes in my life that have me anxious. I just can't seem to shake it. SSSOOO I have decided to throw myself full force into my crafts that I have planned for my house. Pinterest is my crack, and I am not going to rehab anytime soon. The idea bring me out of my funk for a second and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now I know you are wondering why I don't get caught up with schoolwork? Good question. How come I can focus for three hours on a craft project, but struggle with homeowork? I don't know and I'm not really looking to find out the answer. I am just making due until I have a mental breakdown or I get caught up. Whichever is more fun.
Other things on my agenda...
find coordinating outfits for the family for family pictures. Ross' wardrboe is lacking in some areas...now if we wore camo, I could pick out his outfit blindfolded.
practice The Princess' snack day snacks. This is not REALLY important,but I am ashamed of my efforts last month. I have been waiting a month to make my come back.
try out some new recipes. We are all getting tired of the samething b/c mommy's creativity in the food area is lacking.
find out how to get Monkey to sleep in her bed again. I agree with her reasons (Princess snores, there are ghosts, her bed isn't as comfy as mine, and many many more...she's pretty creative). Everytime she climbs in bed with us it feels like our bed shrinks by eight feet. not just the two feet that she actually takes up. Mommy needs to sleep like that too my dear and you are blocking me.
All of these things are not really important, but are on my mind. Maybe checking these off my list will give me some relief for what is really on my mind.
Lastly....
Why when you want something so bad, and you don't get it, you become bitter at the entire world? Maybe it's just my state of mind right now, but more and more things are getting on my nerves (wearing fur coats and uggs when it is still 92degrees outside is just one example). I talked to my rock yesterday and figured out how to erase this. I'll let you know how that works out...or you can tell by the hole in the side of my house/door/car.

Crafty....

Here are some of the crafts, thanks to my obsession pinterest (if anyone knows how to correctly say that contact me immediately). I always involve the girls who I have respectfully named Princess and Monkey. You can probably guess which is which. I make sure they help me because you must involve your children in everything so they will connect with you and not get involved in drugs or gangs (which I am extremely worried about with a 3 and 4 yr old). Also, I think you must introduce your children to their addictive personalities early in life so they are aware in case of therefore mentioned dangers. Feel free to laugh at my attempts. I have a creative mind, but my execution leaves alot to be desired BUT I am TRYING!

"frankenstein" door. His eyes are fixed now so he doesn't just look like a "special" door. He really looks like frankenstien. I guess I could take a new picture, but I'm over him.

These are laterns. I will put votives or tea lights in them and they will illuminate the night sky and porch stairs, if you only want to see within a 4cm radius. The girls lost interest after two, so the other six I made alone.

Finally this is my wreath. I finished this in one night thanks to my coach, Ross. He thought I was being a wuss because the pinking shears were rubbing a blister. He told me to man up and finish. I finished just be able to whine about my blister the next day and blast him about spousal abuse. He just walked away. (weird). I will put a brownish/turkey-ish bow for Thanksgiving. Also, I will probably do a red one for Christmas with a green bow THEN add a pinkish bow for Valentine's Day. OH and our iron jumped in the picture. We don't have a good relationship. No matter where it is in the laundry room my elbow always comes in contact with it causing me to curse at it endlessly.

Those are a few of my crafts. I have decorated our mantle/dish box home. I wonder if our landlord would mind me making a larger one.....PINTEREST!!!!!!! I'm also happy to report that Ross is completely on board with my obsession. If he had access to this glorious, distracting website, he would be doing contructive, pretty projects instead of useless manly ones. He is all about putting his two cents worth in or ideas. He even helped me decide what to do for Princess' upcoming snack day. (He agress we failed the first time and need a *BAM* snack this month).

More creativity to follow!!

Straight Jacket

Maybe there is a reason Ross doesn't take me on dates more often. Things like this happen....

We are sitting at the bar in a restraunt, waiting for our table. We have both dressed nicely for each other, which includes me straigtening my hair.
Me: OMG My hair is so soft. Feel it.
Ross: No. I believe you. It's very pretty baby.
Me: NO feel it. I'm serious.
Ross: No.

At this point I am disappointed but not defeated. I will win once again.
In the middle of dinner....

Ross: blah blah blah blah
Me (interrupting his blahs): Hey feel my hair. It is so soft!
Ross: Right here at the table? You want me to reach across the table and feel your hair?
Me: uuhh yeah
Ross: NO that is gross.
Me: My hair is not gross. Your hair is gross. Mine is shiny and soft. I did this for you!

He reaches across the table and strokes my hair.
Ross: It is soft baby. Thank you.
Me: Your hair is still gross.

Poor Ross

I just can't stop

This is the girls' reading nook.

Their school work is hanging from rope and clothes pins that I let the girls make. They each got to pick their own wooden pieces to glue on. They are so proud to show off their work. I made the "flower" in the flowerpot and hanging above their paper light. At night before bed they sit in front of me in the chair, and I read to them like a teacher. (good practice)



Soon I will get the pictures of their own paintings they did (Lily's is very abstract, but she is proud). 

I have decided that the next room will be the playroom. Thanks to my pinning addiction, I have TONS of ideas. In addition to my addiction, I am not ready to face the animal situation yet. That is just something I am not prepared to work with right now.

a straight jacket or happily ever after..

I understand my grandparents so much better now. I would watch as they bickered or pappaw would stay busy and basically drive each other crazy....they were in love!
An instance where I know I am either loved deeply or in a few years you will have to visit me during visitation hours.
I was trying on clothes and was a little discouraged that nothing in my closet looked right. Nothing felt like I was the pretty princess I normally am. I stood in front of my closet and yelled "Why don't you fit anymore. We are not friends". I started throwing down jeans and stomping on them violently. Ross quickly and silently exited the room, refusing to look at me. Still not sure why.
He aggrevates me so I aggrevate back.
Ross is notorious for being a good husband and emptying the trash every other day. Such a good boy. However, he NEVER puts a new bag in. For a busy mom on the go this is very frustrating. I do not like having a dustpan full of debris or wet pull up and no bag to put it in. So like a sweet wife I am, I left the empty trash can in front of the door so he would run into it when he opened the door. To make matters worse, I left the lights off. Hopefully his physical pain and frustration will equal to what I feel every other day when I reach for the trash.
He has almost (key word being almost) given up on my watching tv with  him. He says I ask way too many questions and can't just sit and enjoy. Actually good sir that is part of my plan. I will continue to ask why that lady is trying to shoot a bow like her husband or why that animal is that color or who comes up with team uniforms and how could I get into that. Why will I keep annoying my sweet husband? He will eventually grow tired of the constant chatter and retire to the bedroom with the smaller non HD TV and leave me with the enormous flat screen stuck to our wall.
I will also continue to put gigantic bows in our children's hair and tell them to wear their tap shoes on the hardwood floors. First off they are girls and these things will define them and develop charachter. Second off, it bugs him. Sometimes I put the large bows in my hair and wear them around the house. Another instance where he just looks and walks away quietly. This is now a daily occurance, by the way.
To sum it all up. My husband must love me. He puts up with way too much stuff, random or planned, that would drive anyone insane (probably why my mom didn't cry at my wedding, she was just so darn happy to pass that torch). He is good to me and is my partner. I worry about him. I worry that he might be crazy as me. Maybe he will be the one in the straight jacket OR like my grandparents house nothing will ever be broken and our outside shop will always be busy.