Enter at Your Own Risk

I am a bad mother and let Lily sleep with me until recently, when Ross and I got married. I am starting to think that he might want to trade places with her or vice versa. I now know why people sleep in seperate rooms.
The first week or so, when I was dozing because I thought I might miss Lily crying for me in the night (little did I know you can't miss someone in your face...sneaky troll). I must have been enough asleep to forget that I was married. I felt someone move  beside me and had a panic attack. Why was someone in bed with me bigger than Lily? Who is this man? OOOPPPSS
About a month ago, I was sleeping oh so soundly when my elbow found a nice resting place. What is a pillow doing up this far? Hhhmm is this Lily? So to figure out these answers, I bang my elbow on this strange surface over and over until...oooppss sorry husband. I didn't kow your FACE was there.
Then a few nights ago. I was having a benadryl sleep (thanks to the Christmas tree) and something awoke me. ANOTHER STRANGE MAN. Why did this strange man roll toward me? Why is the lamp so far away? How bad will I have to thrust it against his head to hurt him? oooohhh waaaiiittt. That's Ross again.
I think it is Ross' best interest to move onto the couch or recliner or other random soft surface. It can't be anymore uncomfortable than an antique lamp against your face.

Such is Life

I am really trying to be upbeat and positive. I really love life. I just don't feel happy. I have a great family and super friends. I'm just not happy. People (my husband) "Just be happy." NO SHIT! Really?? OMG why didn't I think of that? GAH! Excuse me sir. You do NOT know how it feels. I laugh from day to day, but it feels like I'm being fake. (I'm not, things are really funny) but it hurts my heart to laugh. It has been better after a HUGE rough spot. Things were NOT good for awhile. I am back to being where I need to be to progress further. I really hope I don't bring people down with my sadness. In fact, just ignore me. Thanks!

chuckle!

Ross is out of town this week. This is the first time we have been away from each other as a married couple. It's pretty much making more sad than I already am. I need him here to bounce off ideas and problems. He is my rock, best friend, and partner. **AACCKK**(I just threw up listening to myself). I LOVE IT!!! The one big problem with him gone is that it leaves me to my thoughts...alone. No one to tell me to stop thinking and shut up. Also, no one to settle me down. This was a huge problem last night. I am thinking he might not leave me alone after last night's conversation.
He called after he was in his hotel room just to talk.

Me: Do you have a skill saw?
Ross: What?! Wait! Why is it so quite? Where are the kids?
Me: They are in the bathroom.
Ross: Well yeah, but why can't I hear them.
Me: I closed the door. They were getting on my nerves.
Ross: I'm pretty sure that boders on child abuse. What if one drowns?
Me: Then the other better learn CPR real quick or scream REALLY loud b/c I'm also humming to myself and I'm loud.
Ross: Go open the door.
Me: If you insist, but I think swimming in the tub is a necessary survival technique that our children must learn to survive.
Ross: Is the door open yet?
Me: Do you have a skill saw?
Ross: Do you need one to open the door?
Me: No it's opened, but I need one. I have serveral projects that I need a saw for. Our house is going to look GORGEOUS.
Ross: Can you wait until I get home to use a saw?
Me: uumm....NO. Thanks for telling me we have one. I have to go now. I hope our landlord doesn't mind me using it inside. It's too dark out now. I love you. Bye.
Ross: (well I don't know what he said. I cut him off. I don't need negativity or a voice of reason in my life. Thanks Ross)

Funk Funk Funk it up!

I am in this funk. I don't know what it is. Maybe it the excessive weight gain that I can't get under control. Maybe it's the school work piling up and never getting caught up. Maybe it's the other changes in my life that have me anxious. I just can't seem to shake it. SSSOOO I have decided to throw myself full force into my crafts that I have planned for my house. Pinterest is my crack, and I am not going to rehab anytime soon. The idea bring me out of my funk for a second and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now I know you are wondering why I don't get caught up with schoolwork? Good question. How come I can focus for three hours on a craft project, but struggle with homeowork? I don't know and I'm not really looking to find out the answer. I am just making due until I have a mental breakdown or I get caught up. Whichever is more fun.
Other things on my agenda...
find coordinating outfits for the family for family pictures. Ross' wardrboe is lacking in some areas...now if we wore camo, I could pick out his outfit blindfolded.
practice The Princess' snack day snacks. This is not REALLY important,but I am ashamed of my efforts last month. I have been waiting a month to make my come back.
try out some new recipes. We are all getting tired of the samething b/c mommy's creativity in the food area is lacking.
find out how to get Monkey to sleep in her bed again. I agree with her reasons (Princess snores, there are ghosts, her bed isn't as comfy as mine, and many many more...she's pretty creative). Everytime she climbs in bed with us it feels like our bed shrinks by eight feet. not just the two feet that she actually takes up. Mommy needs to sleep like that too my dear and you are blocking me.
All of these things are not really important, but are on my mind. Maybe checking these off my list will give me some relief for what is really on my mind.
Lastly....
Why when you want something so bad, and you don't get it, you become bitter at the entire world? Maybe it's just my state of mind right now, but more and more things are getting on my nerves (wearing fur coats and uggs when it is still 92degrees outside is just one example). I talked to my rock yesterday and figured out how to erase this. I'll let you know how that works out...or you can tell by the hole in the side of my house/door/car.

Crafty....

Here are some of the crafts, thanks to my obsession pinterest (if anyone knows how to correctly say that contact me immediately). I always involve the girls who I have respectfully named Princess and Monkey. You can probably guess which is which. I make sure they help me because you must involve your children in everything so they will connect with you and not get involved in drugs or gangs (which I am extremely worried about with a 3 and 4 yr old). Also, I think you must introduce your children to their addictive personalities early in life so they are aware in case of therefore mentioned dangers. Feel free to laugh at my attempts. I have a creative mind, but my execution leaves alot to be desired BUT I am TRYING!

"frankenstein" door. His eyes are fixed now so he doesn't just look like a "special" door. He really looks like frankenstien. I guess I could take a new picture, but I'm over him.

These are laterns. I will put votives or tea lights in them and they will illuminate the night sky and porch stairs, if you only want to see within a 4cm radius. The girls lost interest after two, so the other six I made alone.

Finally this is my wreath. I finished this in one night thanks to my coach, Ross. He thought I was being a wuss because the pinking shears were rubbing a blister. He told me to man up and finish. I finished just be able to whine about my blister the next day and blast him about spousal abuse. He just walked away. (weird). I will put a brownish/turkey-ish bow for Thanksgiving. Also, I will probably do a red one for Christmas with a green bow THEN add a pinkish bow for Valentine's Day. OH and our iron jumped in the picture. We don't have a good relationship. No matter where it is in the laundry room my elbow always comes in contact with it causing me to curse at it endlessly.

Those are a few of my crafts. I have decorated our mantle/dish box home. I wonder if our landlord would mind me making a larger one.....PINTEREST!!!!!!! I'm also happy to report that Ross is completely on board with my obsession. If he had access to this glorious, distracting website, he would be doing contructive, pretty projects instead of useless manly ones. He is all about putting his two cents worth in or ideas. He even helped me decide what to do for Princess' upcoming snack day. (He agress we failed the first time and need a *BAM* snack this month).

More creativity to follow!!

Straight Jacket

Maybe there is a reason Ross doesn't take me on dates more often. Things like this happen....

We are sitting at the bar in a restraunt, waiting for our table. We have both dressed nicely for each other, which includes me straigtening my hair.
Me: OMG My hair is so soft. Feel it.
Ross: No. I believe you. It's very pretty baby.
Me: NO feel it. I'm serious.
Ross: No.

At this point I am disappointed but not defeated. I will win once again.
In the middle of dinner....

Ross: blah blah blah blah
Me (interrupting his blahs): Hey feel my hair. It is so soft!
Ross: Right here at the table? You want me to reach across the table and feel your hair?
Me: uuhh yeah
Ross: NO that is gross.
Me: My hair is not gross. Your hair is gross. Mine is shiny and soft. I did this for you!

He reaches across the table and strokes my hair.
Ross: It is soft baby. Thank you.
Me: Your hair is still gross.

Poor Ross

I just can't stop

This is the girls' reading nook.

Their school work is hanging from rope and clothes pins that I let the girls make. They each got to pick their own wooden pieces to glue on. They are so proud to show off their work. I made the "flower" in the flowerpot and hanging above their paper light. At night before bed they sit in front of me in the chair, and I read to them like a teacher. (good practice)



Soon I will get the pictures of their own paintings they did (Lily's is very abstract, but she is proud). 

I have decided that the next room will be the playroom. Thanks to my pinning addiction, I have TONS of ideas. In addition to my addiction, I am not ready to face the animal situation yet. That is just something I am not prepared to work with right now.

a straight jacket or happily ever after..

I understand my grandparents so much better now. I would watch as they bickered or pappaw would stay busy and basically drive each other crazy....they were in love!
An instance where I know I am either loved deeply or in a few years you will have to visit me during visitation hours.
I was trying on clothes and was a little discouraged that nothing in my closet looked right. Nothing felt like I was the pretty princess I normally am. I stood in front of my closet and yelled "Why don't you fit anymore. We are not friends". I started throwing down jeans and stomping on them violently. Ross quickly and silently exited the room, refusing to look at me. Still not sure why.
He aggrevates me so I aggrevate back.
Ross is notorious for being a good husband and emptying the trash every other day. Such a good boy. However, he NEVER puts a new bag in. For a busy mom on the go this is very frustrating. I do not like having a dustpan full of debris or wet pull up and no bag to put it in. So like a sweet wife I am, I left the empty trash can in front of the door so he would run into it when he opened the door. To make matters worse, I left the lights off. Hopefully his physical pain and frustration will equal to what I feel every other day when I reach for the trash.
He has almost (key word being almost) given up on my watching tv with  him. He says I ask way too many questions and can't just sit and enjoy. Actually good sir that is part of my plan. I will continue to ask why that lady is trying to shoot a bow like her husband or why that animal is that color or who comes up with team uniforms and how could I get into that. Why will I keep annoying my sweet husband? He will eventually grow tired of the constant chatter and retire to the bedroom with the smaller non HD TV and leave me with the enormous flat screen stuck to our wall.
I will also continue to put gigantic bows in our children's hair and tell them to wear their tap shoes on the hardwood floors. First off they are girls and these things will define them and develop charachter. Second off, it bugs him. Sometimes I put the large bows in my hair and wear them around the house. Another instance where he just looks and walks away quietly. This is now a daily occurance, by the way.
To sum it all up. My husband must love me. He puts up with way too much stuff, random or planned, that would drive anyone insane (probably why my mom didn't cry at my wedding, she was just so darn happy to pass that torch). He is good to me and is my partner. I worry about him. I worry that he might be crazy as me. Maybe he will be the one in the straight jacket OR like my grandparents house nothing will ever be broken and our outside shop will always be busy.

Everyday I'm Shufflin...really

I feel like this month is flying by. These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. I started school. It was slow going at first, but now it's flying by and I'm completely NOT organized. This is A LOT scary since everything else in my life is at this moment. An all nighter is in my near future and I pray for my husband and kids that they survive the aftershocks.
Speaking of...my husband rocks my world. I love him sssoo much. We finally had a date night minus kids this past Saturday. We acted like teenagers. We laughed the entire time. Even if there is a brief moment of silence between us, one of us will conjure up a random conversation to annoy the other. Yes this is very elementary to try to annoy your significant other, that's how we roll. I do believe that in order to make this marriage work (especially to crazy me) laughter is a must! He also helped out cleaning at granny's, which was not an easy task. Last night we showed off our exceptional teamwork. One  unloaded groceries while the other got the kids ready for bed. One did the laundry and such while the other did the dishes. We don't talk much while we tag team surprisingly. As Tim Gunn would say, we "make it work". I sat there after everything was done within the hour cheering us quietly. High air fives went out in my head. We work so well together we just get it done without saying what or when something needs to be done. Pat on the back to us.
The kids are great. They have transitioned beyond belief into this shared life. They love each other so much and miss each other when they aren't around each other. They started dance last week. Brexli got in the groove and was disappointed she wasn't on stage yet (not a shocker). Lily just stood there and cried the last ten minutes of class. Typical. Wouldn't expect anything less from my baby. My first snack day came and went in a flash. I disappointed myself by not doing one of the many creative ideas I have. I will blame it completely on Ross. He covered up the snack calendar. This happened to be on the night that I had night class and he had gone hog hunting. I conjured up some cookies and grapes. Didn't know you had to have a beverage, but that will be taken care of next time. (Her teacher is not on the great side of communication, but I am taking notes for my own classroom. Thanks lady). I have already forgotten to wash Brex's nap blanket (and she told EVERYONE). I am hitting little speed bumps, but I am learning and definitely laughing along the way. Why not? As my mom says "it's better to laugh than cry. You will stop your nose up" (she is so wise. I love her)
Off to class. I need some distraction from my home life and what is coming up at work when I get there. GAH A.D.D is BAD to have on a busy schedule.
I still promise there will be pictures of the girl's finished room. They are doing their own art projects tonight. I CAN'T WAIT!!!! No telling what they are going to draw.

Coming soon

I have been decorating the girls room since we moved in. I love being creative and artsy. I will be done after this weekend I think. I am SO excited. I will be posting pictures of the final outcome.
Next room to work on....I can't decide playroom or living room. Whatever I do in the living room I have to do around "the animals" SO that might take sometime. ( I WILL get my driftwood coffee table...yes made out of driftwood)
I'm going wherever the wind takes me!

From the Words of George Micheal...

"You gotta have faith, faith, faith"
Cheesy 80's song, I know. I have this knack, courtesy of my grandmother to have a song for any situation. Every time I start to stress these days, I sing this song, mostly in my head...mostly. It's hard to have complete faith in God and His plan. There are some murky, rough waters throughout life. Just when you think life is sort of tough, BAM, something else happens. This song gets me through. First off it gives me a giggle, especially when I clap while singing. The other thing is that it is a reminder that no matter what I have to look up and let go.
My wonderful preacher a couple of weeks ago preached on something that has been on my heart. He talked about how it is easier to sail a boat in the daytime when you can see everything, but there are some people (somewhere in South America or Miami....that was about the time my child had to pee I think) and they sail only at night. It might be harder, but their rewards are twice as rewarding. The preacher said that people make the mistake thinking being a Christian means not having to go through rough times. That is definitely not the case. Being a Christian means that you have to travel those tough waters to see the light. It's like when you go into a dark tunnel. It's dark, but you keep on driving because you know there is light at the other end.
My husband and I had to have a faith talk not too long ago. He wanted to know my story and how I am so sure. I don't really have a story. I had gone astray, had Lily, and was holding her one day. I prayed "Ok God, you gave me my miracle. Show me what you want me to do". I didn't try to make anything happen. I just listened to what came in my heart for me to do in life. I am at peace with how my life was an is. God had a great plan and still does. I just have to have complete Faith that he knows my husband and I well enough to guide us to where we are suppose to be.
I have a lot more to pray for these days. I have this plan in my head of how I want things to go except I'm not really forcing the plan. I am not making concrete actions until I feel it in my heart. I have faith that it will all work out how it is suppose to be.
So when you are feeling stressed or unsure or just confused sing some George Micheal, clap if you need to. Send a little prayer up to help you keep the faith. It might not be what you want or intended, but God has a purpose. So let go and listen.

Going through the big D

Dum Dum Dum Dum....
This is not the big D that anyone is thinking. Not Dallas and definitely not divorce. This D is depression. Did you know that depression affects 1 out of 10 adults. I personally think this statistic is off. Why? People don't like to talk about it. Like in my case, it feels like I have failed at something, that I am not strong enough to do everything. It's hard to admit that you aren't superwoman or man. Other people might not understand the signs of depression or ignore them. Why does society look down on not having the satisfied feeling?
My struggle started late in life. After Lily was born, I was a wreck. I honestly do not remember the first few months of her life. It is sad to say, but I don't. It breaks my heart that I missed some precious moments. I was just going through the motions. Living from day to day, not wanting to part with my offspring, not wanting to get out of the house, not caring. My mom insisted that I talk to the doctor. Sure enough, he put me on an antidepressant and POOF complete different. I was my old self again. Everthing thing was normal. Then there came a time in my life that I was engaged, going to school, figuring out my new teamate and family, working, and trying to fit friends in. Again, I WAS A WRECK! My poor family. Poor Ross. Bless his heart. He didn't know what to do with a fiancee that cried every other day and yelled the other days. GAH that girl was CRAZY! So again with the insistance of my dear mother, I talked to a new doctor. She is amazing. She gets it. She is in school now (to further her education) to study the way any medicine reacts with the brain. (OK LADY SLOW DOWN ON THE SMARTNESS). She said that A.D.D./A.D.H.D. people are more likely to have depression. These people's brains are trying to fix the ADD and can't work on the areas that cause depression and vise versa. Totally makes sense. Right!? So certain medicines only work together for ADD people. If parents or adults were told this when kids are acurately diagnosed with ADD (b/c we all know a bored kid in school is diagnosed w/ adhd too much...seen it happen) that this could be a potential problem, it could be caught sooner.
Depression should not be hidden. We have all been there. Some people's brains adjust easier than others. Don't judge or overreact when someone tells you they are depressed. Listen first. We live in a world that is always on the run and pile too many things on our plates. Find a support person or group that you feel you can open up to and relate to.
I still find myself struggling day to day still. It's hard to say that when my life is at the most perfect it has ever been. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction though. Being open and honest about what I'm going through helps. It helps my love ones to know why I breakdown and cry or why I don't feel like attending a function. I believe in my heart that it helps others too. Maybe they can talk to me because I understand. Maybe we can help each other out of the darkest times. Either way I am going to keep on talking and putting it all out there because...well because I want to and it makes me happy. SO THERE!
That is my story on depression. The end...for now!

The Dogwood Spirit

Ross would kill me if he knew I was talking about this. My husband is apparently not a fan of a few things, snakes, spiders, black cats, and ghosts. He is superstitious to say the least. It is not something he advertises, but if you are around him enough it sneaks out.
Back to the story. We have an apparition at our house. I really do believe this. Some say it might go against my religion or my faith. However, in my faith I know there are alot of things that do not have meaning or answers. Choose what you want to think. I just tell how it is.
I was sick one day and took a small nap on our couch in the living room. The blinds were completely closed. When I woke up, the blinds on the far side of the room were askew. It looked like one of our kids had been playing with them, but I was home alone. I was a little freaked out, but I shrugged it off. Now at night I am not getting enough sleep. I keep hearing footsteps on our floors. The floors creek when you walk on them because they are hardwood and off the ground. This is not normal noises. I wake up because I hear footsteps that sound about the same as Lily's when she walks. I wait and wait for her to come in but never does. I have even gone as far as getting up out of bed when I hear them and checking on the girls. They are sound asleep usually snoring in dreamland. My suspicions only grew stronger earlier this week when I heard what sounded like Lily call out mommy. I get up and check on her, she was asleep. I asked Ross if he heard it, and he said he heard something but it was nothing. OK ROSS! I told him my other run ins with this spirit, and he immediately told me to "Shut up and stop talking about that". HEE HEE HEE...my signal to keep reminding him we have a house guest. (you get those priviledges when you get married...or...become my friend).
So beware if you spend the night at my house. You might hear a giggle or footsteps. Just go back to sleep. It's the little ghost children running amuck.

Brexli

Yesterday was a bad/good day. It was a first. I got to spend the whole day with Brexli Isabell. I have never spent the day with just me and her. She was sick so she had to stay home from daycare. I don't like my babies being sick, but I was excited I got to spend it with her. This is the time that I am trying to stop and "smell the roses" per say. I am trying to stop and enjoy my time and life with my family. Saying that I got to see what this miss diva was all about.
I realized yesterday how different she is from Lily. I know she is from two completely different people, but it's so easy to see similarities because they are so close to age. Brexli is not as independent as Lily. She has to have someone to play with or get attention from. Not saying this in a bad way. She is able to interact with others easier than my child. It will help her later in life to adapt. She has a bigger heart than Lily. Lily has to warm up to you and even then she has to feel some kind of connection. Brexli loves everyone. She thinks everyone is her friend no matter what. I am like that. Always have been. She is so smart. She excels in school and I can NOT wait until she gets in big school. I think she will  do so great being challenged. She takes things in. She absorbs what you say and do. She can repeat any song or anything you say, even if it isn't the sameday. (Ross and I found this out the hard way).
This little girl is amazing. I love that she is part of my life. She has been through so much in her four years. I hope it will not affect her in later years, but all I can do is give her love and support. I am raising her the sameway I am raising my child. I want her to know that she is part of my heart just like her sister.

Children..oh Children

With all the stress that has been buzzing around for the past month or so I haven't really stopped to listen to my children. I now know why they have shows like "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and such. They really see the world through a different set of eyes. My mom spent time with Lily this weekend and told me some silly things that came out of Lily's mouth. It made me stop and remember how much joy I get out of being a mom. So here are some funny things that happened/ were said in the past few days...yes days, they are that random (you KNOW i appreciate randomness)
Mom: "Lily why did you poo poo in you big girl panties?"
Lily:" Where else am I going to go?"

Brexli: "When I get married, I'm not going to kiss the boy because that's gross"

I turn around to see Lily climbing on the counter, and Brexli pushing her up so she can reach.
Me: "What are ya'll doing?"
Lily: "Getting the candy you said no to" (DUH MOM)

Brexli (in front of her dad): "remember not to tell Daddy you let us have candy before school" Gee thanks Brex!

Lily came and got me from my comfy bed and said "What is that noise in my room?" I drag my half asleep body to her room to hear Brexli snoring like a big bear. Bless her heart. Me: "That is Brexli snoring"
Lily: "She is LOUD"!

Lily's favorite phrase that I'm trying to break her of saying "What the heck". She uses it in the correct context so it worries me how much I say it.  She had some shoes I tried to get her to wear to school and she said the girls would say "what the heck".  Little ears have big mouths.

There are many more I can't think of. I am bringing back my journal that I had when I was pregnant, and Lily was first talking. I wrote down the funny things that she would say or actually anyone in my family would say. We love to laugh at ourselves and hold nothing back so there are many things in that journal that make me giggle just remembering.
Moral of this story:
Enjoy life. It is short. Enjoy the people around you. Everyone has something to enjoy about them. Even sourpusses do something that will make you smile every now and then. My wise mom always says it's better to laugh than cry ssssoo laugh at yourself. I promise it will make your day brighter.

Week 2 Wrap Up

Two weeks have flown by. It's hard to keep up with the pace of two active kids and a husband that won't sit down. I have learned alot about myself and my significant other in these past fourteen-ish days that might not sound important but truly are.
lesson 1. I really do love organization, schedules, rules, and order. Most people that know me will laugh. I am very random, spontaneous, and messy. This is why it is a lesson. If I wasn't always like this it wouldn't be a lesson. The girls have a definite routine that gives plenty of time for fun and spontenaity. My husband, who is not known for being on time or knowing what a timeline is, has not caught on to this concept. The bickering that might have happened (mostly me) has happened because I feel the need to keep my crazy, busy life in order. Therefore, I apologize to my husband and children that mommy needs to take a chill pill and be on the "go with the flow" boat. I'm just not use to the analness of organization OCD yet.
lesson 2. I am the Mom and I can do anything I want. Yes ladies and gentleman this is a true statement. Some guys might disagree, but in the end Mom's rule. We might give our husbands a hint of power or dominance, but we are in charge. I pick the girls up and they want a snack. In my head, the timeline fits. They hadn't had anything to eat in a few hours, I'm hungry too sooo, we eat. I have patted myself on the back because they only get healthy snacks which consists of fruit or veggies. I cook the night meal and keep them on a schedule. THERFORE if I feel like giving my kids an icee or candy sparatically, I can. Once pointed out, there should be no fussing from the other gender. Popcicles and group bathtime (the girls not everyone) are a TERRIFIC idea because they are hot. Hey I'm hot too. So what if either of these spoil their appetite. It's hot! I'm the Mom. I say so. Now, don't write a book about this is the key to a happy homelife. It works in my little family.
lesson 3. Practice sleeping with something large befor sleeping with your spouse. I am so sorry Ross you have bruises on your head from my elbow. I swear that thing has a mind of its on. It's a diva and likes your pillow. Your head is just in the way. On the reverse, your body is not the size of a child. Stay on your side. I have drawn a line and labeled the sides for a reason. Thanks for the cooperation.
lesson 4. I love my life and my little family. They bring me stress and great joy. Our house is only quiet after 11pm, when we are all in bed and I LOVE IT! It feels like we were meant to be together.
So I have to share a quick story about our night last night. Thursdays are my days to have control over the oversized tv. I watch SYTYCD (so you think you can dance for lay people) and Project Oneway also commonly known as Project Runway. Poor Ross just wanted to spend quality time with me and the girls. We have two girls so they are into these shows too. (YAY) After the commentary of the dance show, "I could do that. Wow that girl is good. Oh he needs to go I like that other guys dance better", it was time to watch some fashion. I had to hold in my giggle when Ross started talking during this show. "I would use such and such. That is hideous. No one would wear that. I have to admit that's pretty cool". All I could think in my head was how much he is going to gripe to his friends that I MAKE him watch this show, but he is just as into it as I am. He finally stopped right after the runway show, turned to me, and said "I'm going to have to go cut down that tree or go kill something with my bare hands to get my manhood back". Now you know why I think he is a keeper!!

B is not for Baby

I have the fever, yes baby fever. There are two reactions to this. YAY! You are married now, go ahead. OR WHAT! You are still in school and JUST got married AND you already have two kids. I usually ignore the second one. I have gone as far as planned an intervention with a friend to get Ross on board or stuck a baby in Ross' face/arms because he melts everytime. (yes I play dirty). However, things have changed, and I will tell you why I am entering baby fever rehab.
I have two friends going through very, very tough times in their lives. One is going through a nasty little thing doctors like to call infertility. I think it should be called something more pleasing to the person going through it's ears...like zygotely challenged or something. A little offspring is all she wants but can't have (YET). There have been some positive reactions to some meds after a long time, but the road ahead is looking longer and longer. It's a bumpy, rocky terrain and I pray for her everyday. I began to think of her last week and felt so selfish. Ross and I probably will look at each other the wrong way one day and become pregnant. ( I mean come on. Both of our track records are pretty good in that dept). Why can't I wait until things are more steady?? If my friend can wait for however long it takes, Can't I wait two more years??
Anther one of my dearest friends, and YaYas, is starting chemo today. She has a rare form of ovarian cancer. She calls it chiquita because we all know the c word is thrown out way too much in today's world and makes the thought of the fight even scarier. She is the bravest, funniest person I know. She has fight in her that I could never hold a candle to. She WILL beat chiquita. She no longer has cancer cells, but has to do chemo for preventative measures. Anyone who has had their own chiquita in their lives knows how tough it can be. I pray for her everyday too.
Why am I acting like a two year old about having a baby? (I'm an expert on two year olds, so I know exactly how they act and yes I'm acting like one) Why am I being so selfish? Why is it so hard for me to wait until I am out of school and working with a decent regular paycheck? By then Ross will get a raise, and we will be in a bigger house. It is not fair that I can't just wait. Be a big girl and pull up my granny panties and focus on my life as it is now. I am not fighting the fights these friends are fighting. My whinning is NOTHING compared to what they are having to go through. Everyday when the thoughts of pregnancy and babies pop in my brain I force myself to think about these friends.
I am praying that God will help me turn my head to bettering myself and my family I have now. It's not four person family, and I need to try to be the best mom and wife for them. God has blessed me in so many ways, I really don't deserve so much love.
The moral of this story...
....SHUT UP MARCI!!!

The Build Up

I know my life is not so exciting and fabulous (although I am fabulous...just not my life) that I think eveyone will get a kick out of reading about my tales and woes BUT I do think this whole new life I have going for me will deserve some recognition. It's a brand new chapter in the Book of Marci that I have been waiting for since...ooohh I was about five. Marriage. I have planned my husband and wedding since then. I have always been a hopeless/ful romantic waiting for Prince Charming to sweep me up on his white steed and ride away to a castle. It really wasn't too much to ask for. Right? Oh how times change.

The Bible starts with it so I think it's good enough for my love story.
In the beginning....
.....There was an attractive "hunter" boy with a cute little blonde headed outspoken girl that waltzed into my workplace. He had on a LSU hat and a gray LSU shirt driving a white jeep. Not really the armor and horse Princess Marci was expecting but close. The way he acted with his little girl and how much she adored him within the ten minutes of his entrance I knew I was going to marry him...or someone exactly like him. If you think I'm joking I'm not. I sent a quick prayer up to God saying "I am going to marry him or somone exactly like him God. PLEEEAAASSEE". I will not bore you with all the two years of dating stories. BLAH BLAH BLAH. What I will say is that after six months we were already both talking about marriage. Some friends were skepical. No Names. The few friends and entire family were behind us. Our Team Bryant supporters knew we were not going to rush into this. We both have wonderful children and seperate lives to intermingle. SO after a year and two months (almost three, but who's counting) my knight proposed.
We had a beautiful, fun, sweet wedding a week ago. We have had so many compliments on how sweet and loving and happy we both looked during the ceremony. Other comments were about the reception and surprisingly non were bad especially considering the amount of alcohol that flowed. It was a great time and perfection in my Book of Marci. I loved each minute of it. It showed what we are all about. Family and laughter. It was simple. No fanfare or over priced anything. It was us.
What have I learned leading up to this glorious day?
Ross and I make an excellent team, even when we don't realize we are working/thinking together we do.
If children are quiet they are up to something.
Brings me to my next lesson, scissors are to be hidden in a cabinet behind something large.
Life does not have to be filled with any drama to be fun or entertaining.
Family is family, even if it is broken it is the best/worst thing we will ever have in our lives. Cherish it.
Choose your battles. (Ross is learning this one through me later in the game. Thanks Mom for beating into me early in Lily's life)
Don't rush things. God has a plan.
Have Faith.