Dum Dum Dum Dum....
This is not the big D that anyone is thinking. Not Dallas and definitely not divorce. This D is depression. Did you know that depression affects 1 out of 10 adults. I personally think this statistic is off. Why? People don't like to talk about it. Like in my case, it feels like I have failed at something, that I am not strong enough to do everything. It's hard to admit that you aren't superwoman or man. Other people might not understand the signs of depression or ignore them. Why does society look down on not having the satisfied feeling?
My struggle started late in life. After Lily was born, I was a wreck. I honestly do not remember the first few months of her life. It is sad to say, but I don't. It breaks my heart that I missed some precious moments. I was just going through the motions. Living from day to day, not wanting to part with my offspring, not wanting to get out of the house, not caring. My mom insisted that I talk to the doctor. Sure enough, he put me on an antidepressant and POOF complete different. I was my old self again. Everthing thing was normal. Then there came a time in my life that I was engaged, going to school, figuring out my new teamate and family, working, and trying to fit friends in. Again, I WAS A WRECK! My poor family. Poor Ross. Bless his heart. He didn't know what to do with a fiancee that cried every other day and yelled the other days. GAH that girl was CRAZY! So again with the insistance of my dear mother, I talked to a new doctor. She is amazing. She gets it. She is in school now (to further her education) to study the way any medicine reacts with the brain. (OK LADY SLOW DOWN ON THE SMARTNESS). She said that A.D.D./A.D.H.D. people are more likely to have depression. These people's brains are trying to fix the ADD and can't work on the areas that cause depression and vise versa. Totally makes sense. Right!? So certain medicines only work together for ADD people. If parents or adults were told this when kids are acurately diagnosed with ADD (b/c we all know a bored kid in school is diagnosed w/ adhd too much...seen it happen) that this could be a potential problem, it could be caught sooner.
Depression should not be hidden. We have all been there. Some people's brains adjust easier than others. Don't judge or overreact when someone tells you they are depressed. Listen first. We live in a world that is always on the run and pile too many things on our plates. Find a support person or group that you feel you can open up to and relate to.
I still find myself struggling day to day still. It's hard to say that when my life is at the most perfect it has ever been. I feel like I'm heading in the right direction though. Being open and honest about what I'm going through helps. It helps my love ones to know why I breakdown and cry or why I don't feel like attending a function. I believe in my heart that it helps others too. Maybe they can talk to me because I understand. Maybe we can help each other out of the darkest times. Either way I am going to keep on talking and putting it all out there because...well because I want to and it makes me happy. SO THERE!
That is my story on depression. The end...for now!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
The Dogwood Spirit
Ross would kill me if he knew I was talking about this. My husband is apparently not a fan of a few things, snakes, spiders, black cats, and ghosts. He is superstitious to say the least. It is not something he advertises, but if you are around him enough it sneaks out.
Back to the story. We have an apparition at our house. I really do believe this. Some say it might go against my religion or my faith. However, in my faith I know there are alot of things that do not have meaning or answers. Choose what you want to think. I just tell how it is.
I was sick one day and took a small nap on our couch in the living room. The blinds were completely closed. When I woke up, the blinds on the far side of the room were askew. It looked like one of our kids had been playing with them, but I was home alone. I was a little freaked out, but I shrugged it off. Now at night I am not getting enough sleep. I keep hearing footsteps on our floors. The floors creek when you walk on them because they are hardwood and off the ground. This is not normal noises. I wake up because I hear footsteps that sound about the same as Lily's when she walks. I wait and wait for her to come in but never does. I have even gone as far as getting up out of bed when I hear them and checking on the girls. They are sound asleep usually snoring in dreamland. My suspicions only grew stronger earlier this week when I heard what sounded like Lily call out mommy. I get up and check on her, she was asleep. I asked Ross if he heard it, and he said he heard something but it was nothing. OK ROSS! I told him my other run ins with this spirit, and he immediately told me to "Shut up and stop talking about that". HEE HEE HEE...my signal to keep reminding him we have a house guest. (you get those priviledges when you get married...or...become my friend).
So beware if you spend the night at my house. You might hear a giggle or footsteps. Just go back to sleep. It's the little ghost children running amuck.
Back to the story. We have an apparition at our house. I really do believe this. Some say it might go against my religion or my faith. However, in my faith I know there are alot of things that do not have meaning or answers. Choose what you want to think. I just tell how it is.
I was sick one day and took a small nap on our couch in the living room. The blinds were completely closed. When I woke up, the blinds on the far side of the room were askew. It looked like one of our kids had been playing with them, but I was home alone. I was a little freaked out, but I shrugged it off. Now at night I am not getting enough sleep. I keep hearing footsteps on our floors. The floors creek when you walk on them because they are hardwood and off the ground. This is not normal noises. I wake up because I hear footsteps that sound about the same as Lily's when she walks. I wait and wait for her to come in but never does. I have even gone as far as getting up out of bed when I hear them and checking on the girls. They are sound asleep usually snoring in dreamland. My suspicions only grew stronger earlier this week when I heard what sounded like Lily call out mommy. I get up and check on her, she was asleep. I asked Ross if he heard it, and he said he heard something but it was nothing. OK ROSS! I told him my other run ins with this spirit, and he immediately told me to "Shut up and stop talking about that". HEE HEE HEE...my signal to keep reminding him we have a house guest. (you get those priviledges when you get married...or...become my friend).
So beware if you spend the night at my house. You might hear a giggle or footsteps. Just go back to sleep. It's the little ghost children running amuck.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Brexli
Yesterday was a bad/good day. It was a first. I got to spend the whole day with Brexli Isabell. I have never spent the day with just me and her. She was sick so she had to stay home from daycare. I don't like my babies being sick, but I was excited I got to spend it with her. This is the time that I am trying to stop and "smell the roses" per say. I am trying to stop and enjoy my time and life with my family. Saying that I got to see what this miss diva was all about.
I realized yesterday how different she is from Lily. I know she is from two completely different people, but it's so easy to see similarities because they are so close to age. Brexli is not as independent as Lily. She has to have someone to play with or get attention from. Not saying this in a bad way. She is able to interact with others easier than my child. It will help her later in life to adapt. She has a bigger heart than Lily. Lily has to warm up to you and even then she has to feel some kind of connection. Brexli loves everyone. She thinks everyone is her friend no matter what. I am like that. Always have been. She is so smart. She excels in school and I can NOT wait until she gets in big school. I think she will do so great being challenged. She takes things in. She absorbs what you say and do. She can repeat any song or anything you say, even if it isn't the sameday. (Ross and I found this out the hard way).
This little girl is amazing. I love that she is part of my life. She has been through so much in her four years. I hope it will not affect her in later years, but all I can do is give her love and support. I am raising her the sameway I am raising my child. I want her to know that she is part of my heart just like her sister.
I realized yesterday how different she is from Lily. I know she is from two completely different people, but it's so easy to see similarities because they are so close to age. Brexli is not as independent as Lily. She has to have someone to play with or get attention from. Not saying this in a bad way. She is able to interact with others easier than my child. It will help her later in life to adapt. She has a bigger heart than Lily. Lily has to warm up to you and even then she has to feel some kind of connection. Brexli loves everyone. She thinks everyone is her friend no matter what. I am like that. Always have been. She is so smart. She excels in school and I can NOT wait until she gets in big school. I think she will do so great being challenged. She takes things in. She absorbs what you say and do. She can repeat any song or anything you say, even if it isn't the sameday. (Ross and I found this out the hard way).
This little girl is amazing. I love that she is part of my life. She has been through so much in her four years. I hope it will not affect her in later years, but all I can do is give her love and support. I am raising her the sameway I am raising my child. I want her to know that she is part of my heart just like her sister.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Children..oh Children
With all the stress that has been buzzing around for the past month or so I haven't really stopped to listen to my children. I now know why they have shows like "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and such. They really see the world through a different set of eyes. My mom spent time with Lily this weekend and told me some silly things that came out of Lily's mouth. It made me stop and remember how much joy I get out of being a mom. So here are some funny things that happened/ were said in the past few days...yes days, they are that random (you KNOW i appreciate randomness)
Mom: "Lily why did you poo poo in you big girl panties?"
Lily:" Where else am I going to go?"
Brexli: "When I get married, I'm not going to kiss the boy because that's gross"
I turn around to see Lily climbing on the counter, and Brexli pushing her up so she can reach.
Me: "What are ya'll doing?"
Lily: "Getting the candy you said no to" (DUH MOM)
Brexli (in front of her dad): "remember not to tell Daddy you let us have candy before school" Gee thanks Brex!
Lily came and got me from my comfy bed and said "What is that noise in my room?" I drag my half asleep body to her room to hear Brexli snoring like a big bear. Bless her heart. Me: "That is Brexli snoring"
Lily: "She is LOUD"!
Lily's favorite phrase that I'm trying to break her of saying "What the heck". She uses it in the correct context so it worries me how much I say it. She had some shoes I tried to get her to wear to school and she said the girls would say "what the heck". Little ears have big mouths.
There are many more I can't think of. I am bringing back my journal that I had when I was pregnant, and Lily was first talking. I wrote down the funny things that she would say or actually anyone in my family would say. We love to laugh at ourselves and hold nothing back so there are many things in that journal that make me giggle just remembering.
Moral of this story:
Enjoy life. It is short. Enjoy the people around you. Everyone has something to enjoy about them. Even sourpusses do something that will make you smile every now and then. My wise mom always says it's better to laugh than cry ssssoo laugh at yourself. I promise it will make your day brighter.
Mom: "Lily why did you poo poo in you big girl panties?"
Lily:" Where else am I going to go?"
Brexli: "When I get married, I'm not going to kiss the boy because that's gross"
I turn around to see Lily climbing on the counter, and Brexli pushing her up so she can reach.
Me: "What are ya'll doing?"
Lily: "Getting the candy you said no to" (DUH MOM)
Brexli (in front of her dad): "remember not to tell Daddy you let us have candy before school" Gee thanks Brex!
Lily came and got me from my comfy bed and said "What is that noise in my room?" I drag my half asleep body to her room to hear Brexli snoring like a big bear. Bless her heart. Me: "That is Brexli snoring"
Lily: "She is LOUD"!
Lily's favorite phrase that I'm trying to break her of saying "What the heck". She uses it in the correct context so it worries me how much I say it. She had some shoes I tried to get her to wear to school and she said the girls would say "what the heck". Little ears have big mouths.
There are many more I can't think of. I am bringing back my journal that I had when I was pregnant, and Lily was first talking. I wrote down the funny things that she would say or actually anyone in my family would say. We love to laugh at ourselves and hold nothing back so there are many things in that journal that make me giggle just remembering.
Moral of this story:
Enjoy life. It is short. Enjoy the people around you. Everyone has something to enjoy about them. Even sourpusses do something that will make you smile every now and then. My wise mom always says it's better to laugh than cry ssssoo laugh at yourself. I promise it will make your day brighter.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Week 2 Wrap Up
Two weeks have flown by. It's hard to keep up with the pace of two active kids and a husband that won't sit down. I have learned alot about myself and my significant other in these past fourteen-ish days that might not sound important but truly are.
lesson 1. I really do love organization, schedules, rules, and order. Most people that know me will laugh. I am very random, spontaneous, and messy. This is why it is a lesson. If I wasn't always like this it wouldn't be a lesson. The girls have a definite routine that gives plenty of time for fun and spontenaity. My husband, who is not known for being on time or knowing what a timeline is, has not caught on to this concept. The bickering that might have happened (mostly me) has happened because I feel the need to keep my crazy, busy life in order. Therefore, I apologize to my husband and children that mommy needs to take a chill pill and be on the "go with the flow" boat. I'm just not use to the analness of organization OCD yet.
lesson 2. I am the Mom and I can do anything I want. Yes ladies and gentleman this is a true statement. Some guys might disagree, but in the end Mom's rule. We might give our husbands a hint of power or dominance, but we are in charge. I pick the girls up and they want a snack. In my head, the timeline fits. They hadn't had anything to eat in a few hours, I'm hungry too sooo, we eat. I have patted myself on the back because they only get healthy snacks which consists of fruit or veggies. I cook the night meal and keep them on a schedule. THERFORE if I feel like giving my kids an icee or candy sparatically, I can. Once pointed out, there should be no fussing from the other gender. Popcicles and group bathtime (the girls not everyone) are a TERRIFIC idea because they are hot. Hey I'm hot too. So what if either of these spoil their appetite. It's hot! I'm the Mom. I say so. Now, don't write a book about this is the key to a happy homelife. It works in my little family.
lesson 3. Practice sleeping with something large befor sleeping with your spouse. I am so sorry Ross you have bruises on your head from my elbow. I swear that thing has a mind of its on. It's a diva and likes your pillow. Your head is just in the way. On the reverse, your body is not the size of a child. Stay on your side. I have drawn a line and labeled the sides for a reason. Thanks for the cooperation.
lesson 4. I love my life and my little family. They bring me stress and great joy. Our house is only quiet after 11pm, when we are all in bed and I LOVE IT! It feels like we were meant to be together.
So I have to share a quick story about our night last night. Thursdays are my days to have control over the oversized tv. I watch SYTYCD (so you think you can dance for lay people) and Project Oneway also commonly known as Project Runway. Poor Ross just wanted to spend quality time with me and the girls. We have two girls so they are into these shows too. (YAY) After the commentary of the dance show, "I could do that. Wow that girl is good. Oh he needs to go I like that other guys dance better", it was time to watch some fashion. I had to hold in my giggle when Ross started talking during this show. "I would use such and such. That is hideous. No one would wear that. I have to admit that's pretty cool". All I could think in my head was how much he is going to gripe to his friends that I MAKE him watch this show, but he is just as into it as I am. He finally stopped right after the runway show, turned to me, and said "I'm going to have to go cut down that tree or go kill something with my bare hands to get my manhood back". Now you know why I think he is a keeper!!
lesson 1. I really do love organization, schedules, rules, and order. Most people that know me will laugh. I am very random, spontaneous, and messy. This is why it is a lesson. If I wasn't always like this it wouldn't be a lesson. The girls have a definite routine that gives plenty of time for fun and spontenaity. My husband, who is not known for being on time or knowing what a timeline is, has not caught on to this concept. The bickering that might have happened (mostly me) has happened because I feel the need to keep my crazy, busy life in order. Therefore, I apologize to my husband and children that mommy needs to take a chill pill and be on the "go with the flow" boat. I'm just not use to the analness of organization OCD yet.
lesson 2. I am the Mom and I can do anything I want. Yes ladies and gentleman this is a true statement. Some guys might disagree, but in the end Mom's rule. We might give our husbands a hint of power or dominance, but we are in charge. I pick the girls up and they want a snack. In my head, the timeline fits. They hadn't had anything to eat in a few hours, I'm hungry too sooo, we eat. I have patted myself on the back because they only get healthy snacks which consists of fruit or veggies. I cook the night meal and keep them on a schedule. THERFORE if I feel like giving my kids an icee or candy sparatically, I can. Once pointed out, there should be no fussing from the other gender. Popcicles and group bathtime (the girls not everyone) are a TERRIFIC idea because they are hot. Hey I'm hot too. So what if either of these spoil their appetite. It's hot! I'm the Mom. I say so. Now, don't write a book about this is the key to a happy homelife. It works in my little family.
lesson 3. Practice sleeping with something large befor sleeping with your spouse. I am so sorry Ross you have bruises on your head from my elbow. I swear that thing has a mind of its on. It's a diva and likes your pillow. Your head is just in the way. On the reverse, your body is not the size of a child. Stay on your side. I have drawn a line and labeled the sides for a reason. Thanks for the cooperation.
lesson 4. I love my life and my little family. They bring me stress and great joy. Our house is only quiet after 11pm, when we are all in bed and I LOVE IT! It feels like we were meant to be together.
So I have to share a quick story about our night last night. Thursdays are my days to have control over the oversized tv. I watch SYTYCD (so you think you can dance for lay people) and Project Oneway also commonly known as Project Runway. Poor Ross just wanted to spend quality time with me and the girls. We have two girls so they are into these shows too. (YAY) After the commentary of the dance show, "I could do that. Wow that girl is good. Oh he needs to go I like that other guys dance better", it was time to watch some fashion. I had to hold in my giggle when Ross started talking during this show. "I would use such and such. That is hideous. No one would wear that. I have to admit that's pretty cool". All I could think in my head was how much he is going to gripe to his friends that I MAKE him watch this show, but he is just as into it as I am. He finally stopped right after the runway show, turned to me, and said "I'm going to have to go cut down that tree or go kill something with my bare hands to get my manhood back". Now you know why I think he is a keeper!!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
B is not for Baby
I have the fever, yes baby fever. There are two reactions to this. YAY! You are married now, go ahead. OR WHAT! You are still in school and JUST got married AND you already have two kids. I usually ignore the second one. I have gone as far as planned an intervention with a friend to get Ross on board or stuck a baby in Ross' face/arms because he melts everytime. (yes I play dirty). However, things have changed, and I will tell you why I am entering baby fever rehab.
I have two friends going through very, very tough times in their lives. One is going through a nasty little thing doctors like to call infertility. I think it should be called something more pleasing to the person going through it's ears...like zygotely challenged or something. A little offspring is all she wants but can't have (YET). There have been some positive reactions to some meds after a long time, but the road ahead is looking longer and longer. It's a bumpy, rocky terrain and I pray for her everyday. I began to think of her last week and felt so selfish. Ross and I probably will look at each other the wrong way one day and become pregnant. ( I mean come on. Both of our track records are pretty good in that dept). Why can't I wait until things are more steady?? If my friend can wait for however long it takes, Can't I wait two more years??
Anther one of my dearest friends, and YaYas, is starting chemo today. She has a rare form of ovarian cancer. She calls it chiquita because we all know the c word is thrown out way too much in today's world and makes the thought of the fight even scarier. She is the bravest, funniest person I know. She has fight in her that I could never hold a candle to. She WILL beat chiquita. She no longer has cancer cells, but has to do chemo for preventative measures. Anyone who has had their own chiquita in their lives knows how tough it can be. I pray for her everyday too.
Why am I acting like a two year old about having a baby? (I'm an expert on two year olds, so I know exactly how they act and yes I'm acting like one) Why am I being so selfish? Why is it so hard for me to wait until I am out of school and working with a decent regular paycheck? By then Ross will get a raise, and we will be in a bigger house. It is not fair that I can't just wait. Be a big girl and pull up my granny panties and focus on my life as it is now. I am not fighting the fights these friends are fighting. My whinning is NOTHING compared to what they are having to go through. Everyday when the thoughts of pregnancy and babies pop in my brain I force myself to think about these friends.
I am praying that God will help me turn my head to bettering myself and my family I have now. It's not four person family, and I need to try to be the best mom and wife for them. God has blessed me in so many ways, I really don't deserve so much love.
The moral of this story...
....SHUT UP MARCI!!!
I have two friends going through very, very tough times in their lives. One is going through a nasty little thing doctors like to call infertility. I think it should be called something more pleasing to the person going through it's ears...like zygotely challenged or something. A little offspring is all she wants but can't have (YET). There have been some positive reactions to some meds after a long time, but the road ahead is looking longer and longer. It's a bumpy, rocky terrain and I pray for her everyday. I began to think of her last week and felt so selfish. Ross and I probably will look at each other the wrong way one day and become pregnant. ( I mean come on. Both of our track records are pretty good in that dept). Why can't I wait until things are more steady?? If my friend can wait for however long it takes, Can't I wait two more years??
Anther one of my dearest friends, and YaYas, is starting chemo today. She has a rare form of ovarian cancer. She calls it chiquita because we all know the c word is thrown out way too much in today's world and makes the thought of the fight even scarier. She is the bravest, funniest person I know. She has fight in her that I could never hold a candle to. She WILL beat chiquita. She no longer has cancer cells, but has to do chemo for preventative measures. Anyone who has had their own chiquita in their lives knows how tough it can be. I pray for her everyday too.
Why am I acting like a two year old about having a baby? (I'm an expert on two year olds, so I know exactly how they act and yes I'm acting like one) Why am I being so selfish? Why is it so hard for me to wait until I am out of school and working with a decent regular paycheck? By then Ross will get a raise, and we will be in a bigger house. It is not fair that I can't just wait. Be a big girl and pull up my granny panties and focus on my life as it is now. I am not fighting the fights these friends are fighting. My whinning is NOTHING compared to what they are having to go through. Everyday when the thoughts of pregnancy and babies pop in my brain I force myself to think about these friends.
I am praying that God will help me turn my head to bettering myself and my family I have now. It's not four person family, and I need to try to be the best mom and wife for them. God has blessed me in so many ways, I really don't deserve so much love.
The moral of this story...
....SHUT UP MARCI!!!
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Build Up
I know my life is not so exciting and fabulous (although I am fabulous...just not my life) that I think eveyone will get a kick out of reading about my tales and woes BUT I do think this whole new life I have going for me will deserve some recognition. It's a brand new chapter in the Book of Marci that I have been waiting for since...ooohh I was about five. Marriage. I have planned my husband and wedding since then. I have always been a hopeless/ful romantic waiting for Prince Charming to sweep me up on his white steed and ride away to a castle. It really wasn't too much to ask for. Right? Oh how times change.
The Bible starts with it so I think it's good enough for my love story.
In the beginning....
.....There was an attractive "hunter" boy with a cute little blonde headed outspoken girl that waltzed into my workplace. He had on a LSU hat and a gray LSU shirt driving a white jeep. Not really the armor and horse Princess Marci was expecting but close. The way he acted with his little girl and how much she adored him within the ten minutes of his entrance I knew I was going to marry him...or someone exactly like him. If you think I'm joking I'm not. I sent a quick prayer up to God saying "I am going to marry him or somone exactly like him God. PLEEEAAASSEE". I will not bore you with all the two years of dating stories. BLAH BLAH BLAH. What I will say is that after six months we were already both talking about marriage. Some friends were skepical. No Names. The few friends and entire family were behind us. Our Team Bryant supporters knew we were not going to rush into this. We both have wonderful children and seperate lives to intermingle. SO after a year and two months (almost three, but who's counting) my knight proposed.
We had a beautiful, fun, sweet wedding a week ago. We have had so many compliments on how sweet and loving and happy we both looked during the ceremony. Other comments were about the reception and surprisingly non were bad especially considering the amount of alcohol that flowed. It was a great time and perfection in my Book of Marci. I loved each minute of it. It showed what we are all about. Family and laughter. It was simple. No fanfare or over priced anything. It was us.
What have I learned leading up to this glorious day?
Ross and I make an excellent team, even when we don't realize we are working/thinking together we do.
If children are quiet they are up to something.
Brings me to my next lesson, scissors are to be hidden in a cabinet behind something large.
Life does not have to be filled with any drama to be fun or entertaining.
Family is family, even if it is broken it is the best/worst thing we will ever have in our lives. Cherish it.
Choose your battles. (Ross is learning this one through me later in the game. Thanks Mom for beating into me early in Lily's life)
Don't rush things. God has a plan.
Have Faith.
The Bible starts with it so I think it's good enough for my love story.
In the beginning....
.....There was an attractive "hunter" boy with a cute little blonde headed outspoken girl that waltzed into my workplace. He had on a LSU hat and a gray LSU shirt driving a white jeep. Not really the armor and horse Princess Marci was expecting but close. The way he acted with his little girl and how much she adored him within the ten minutes of his entrance I knew I was going to marry him...or someone exactly like him. If you think I'm joking I'm not. I sent a quick prayer up to God saying "I am going to marry him or somone exactly like him God. PLEEEAAASSEE". I will not bore you with all the two years of dating stories. BLAH BLAH BLAH. What I will say is that after six months we were already both talking about marriage. Some friends were skepical. No Names. The few friends and entire family were behind us. Our Team Bryant supporters knew we were not going to rush into this. We both have wonderful children and seperate lives to intermingle. SO after a year and two months (almost three, but who's counting) my knight proposed.
We had a beautiful, fun, sweet wedding a week ago. We have had so many compliments on how sweet and loving and happy we both looked during the ceremony. Other comments were about the reception and surprisingly non were bad especially considering the amount of alcohol that flowed. It was a great time and perfection in my Book of Marci. I loved each minute of it. It showed what we are all about. Family and laughter. It was simple. No fanfare or over priced anything. It was us.
What have I learned leading up to this glorious day?
Ross and I make an excellent team, even when we don't realize we are working/thinking together we do.
If children are quiet they are up to something.
Brings me to my next lesson, scissors are to be hidden in a cabinet behind something large.
Life does not have to be filled with any drama to be fun or entertaining.
Family is family, even if it is broken it is the best/worst thing we will ever have in our lives. Cherish it.
Choose your battles. (Ross is learning this one through me later in the game. Thanks Mom for beating into me early in Lily's life)
Don't rush things. God has a plan.
Have Faith.
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